"99 Problems"

An economist at an elite university, wishing to remain anonymous, has written the following rap in honor of Levitt. S/he sent it directly to me (Dubner) to ensure that even Levitt doesn’t know who wrote it. I think you’ll agree it’s sick enough to be worthwhile. Sing it to the tune of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems.”

If you’re getting rejected I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but publications ain’t one

I’ve got the AERs in the trunk of my car
I got the QJEs hangin’ from my keys
I can’t submit papers to the JPEs
But if I could you know I’d be publishing
Theez for Sheez.

In Summer Institute
I be mincin’ you
Up in the seminars
Put you behind bars
And all you haters:
You can’t take my Clark Medal, shorty
But if you could I’d get another one:
I still ain’t forty!

99 Problems but publications ain’t one
If you’re not getting cited I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but publications ain’t one
Hit me

The year’s ’05 and I’m appearing live
On NPR during your morning drive
You’ve got two choices: come to Chicago, or
Come check me out on my signing tour
Now I ain’t tryin’ to say that your instrument’s weak
But it couldn’t lift a dollar that was left in the street
So I think you should just go on home
Before I open up Stata
And bust a regression in your dome.